


tiger in our hearts again

by growlery writes (growlery)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Post-Break Up, processing your feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery%20writes
Summary: It’s the closest they’ve been in weeks. Maybe longer, since things had cooled off between them for a bit, before. Like Bellamy was getting a headstart on breaking up with her, just waiting for the right moment to make it terminal.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake & Raven Reyes
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5
Collections: Ravenbell New Year Fanfiction Exchange (2020)





	tiger in our hearts again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elle_stone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_stone/gifts).



> for tumblr user kinetic-elaboration, for the prompt: _High school AU: Bellamy and Raven are exes, but Raven is still good friends with Octavia, so they still see each other all the time._ i wanted this to be breakup/makeup but i didn't quite get to the making up part, sorry it's so sad!!

_here_ , Raven texts Octavia, stopping her bike a couple houses away. It’s only slightly a lie, and not one she thinks O would hold against her, if she knew. 

_shit sorry still getting ready_ , is the totally unsurprising reply she gets, a few seconds later. Octavia doesn’t have the best relationship with the concept of being on time. Raven’s about to send back a gently mocking response when she gets another message: _you should come wait inside i’m gonna be a while_.

Raven sucks in a breath, suddenly cold despite the summer heat. She could make an excuse, pretend she’d be fine sweating her ass off outside. But that would be turning her passive avoidance active, admitting she’s taking the coward’s way out. Raven Reyes is _not_ a coward. 

There’s no response, for a while, after Raven rings the doorbell. Maybe no one else is home. Maybe it’s just Octavia, having to drop what she’s doing to come answer the door-

“O, get the door!”

Raven’s heart sinks. 

“It’s for you!” A pause, Octavia presumably shouting something Raven can’t hear. “Who else is it gonna be for?” Another pause, shorter than the last. “As you love telling me, I don’t have any friends!”

Raven grins, despite herself. It evaporates right off her face when the door to the house opens and Bellamy’s standing there, wearing shorts and flip-flops and nothing else, staring at her. 

“Uh,” he says, after a second, “hey.”

“Hey,” Raven says, hating absolutely everything. This is why you’re not supposed to date your best friend’s hot older brother. “Octavia said I should wait inside.”

Bellamy’s grimace shifts into something more like a smile, unspeakably fond the way he always is about Octavia. “Good call. She’s gonna be a while.”

He steps aside so Raven can come in, trapping him momentarily behind her in the tiny entryway until she kicks off her shoes. It’s the closest they’ve been in weeks. Maybe longer, since things had cooled off between them for a bit, before. Like Bellamy was getting a headstart on breaking up with her, just waiting for the right moment to make it terminal. He smells like sweat and the same shitty aftershave he’s been using since puberty and it seizes around Raven’s chest like a vice, how much she’s missed him. 

She sets her jaw. She squares her shoulders. She doesn’t look back as she stomps up the stairs to Octavia’s room. 

“Whoa,” Octavia says, when Raven pushes the door open. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Raven says. “Why wouldn’t I be fine?”

Octavia narrows her eyes. She has half her foundation on and one eye covered in shimmery gold eyeshadow, like she got distracted halfway through. 

“Did Bell say something to you-”

“No,” Raven says, flushing red-hot with humiliation. “I mean, yes, he did say words, and they were directed at me, but he didn’t- I’m fine.”

Octavia puts down the brush she’s holding and comes right over to her, holding out her hands. Raven shakes her head hard, and Octavia nods, lowering them. 

“You don’t have to be,” she says softly. “I know it must be hard, seeing him.”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Raven says, because it’s true. She’s had her heart broken before. She’s not gonna get dramatic about it. 

“Of course,” Octavia says, exasperated but smiling about it, at least. Raven relaxes. “You can handle anything.”

“Except whatever that is,” Raven says, eyeing an implement on Octavia’s tiny foldout desk. “Is that going on your face too?”

Octavia rolls her eyes, but she graciously accepts the redirection. “I know you know what an eyelash curler is.”

“I am serious when I say: I have never seen that thing before,” Raven says, absolutely deadpan. Octavia’s eyes go narrow; her hands go to her hips. 

“Lie,” she says, very slowly. “Yeah, you’re definitely lying.”

Raven shakes her head, grinning. “What gave it away?”

“I’ll never tell,” Octavia declares. “If you know, you’ll try and stop yourself doing it.”

“You’re a terrible friend,” Raven informs her, and Octavia beams and says, “Thank you. I try.”

“Why are you getting all made up, anyway?” Raven asks, watching as Octavia goes back to getting ready. “I thought we were going to the pool.”

“Why wouldn’t I get all made up to go to the pool,” Octavia says, grinning at Raven’s reflection in her little freestanding mirror. “There are going to be people here. Hot people, that I would like to make out with.”

“Oh, my mistake,” Raven snarks. “I thought the point of going to a swimming pool was to swim.”

“So uninspired,” Octavia sighs dramatically, and Raven tips forward, resting her chin on Octavia’s shoulder. One of her arms snakes around Raven’s waist, tugs her in close for a second, and Raven sighs. 

“He’s an idiot,” Octavia tells her, turning her head to brush a lipgloss-sticky kiss against Raven’s forehead. She said the same thing, the night it happened, but then she was cold and vicious; now she sounds as tired as Raven feels. 

Raven gets it. Octavia’s her best friend, but she’s Bellamy’s little sister. Raven wouldn’t pry that loyalty away from her even if she could.

*

The pool is on the other side of town, the richer side of town, where they can afford to have extravagant things like huge outdoor swimming pools. Bellamy frowns when Octavia tells him the name, standing at the bottom of the stairs trying to wheedle a ride out of him. 

“How are you going to get into a country club,” he says, then frowns harder when Octavia flashes a membership badge at him. “ _O_. Where did you get that.”

“You don’t wanna know,” Octavia says sweetly, and Raven rolls her eyes. 

“It’s Clarke Griffin’s,” she says, and Bellamy visibly relaxes. “Clarke didn’t even want anything for it, she just wanted to piss off her mom.”

“I hate it when you gang up on me,” Octavia complains, and she’s clearly just teasing but Raven can’t stop herself going stiff. 

_Sorry_ , Octavia mouths, immediately contrite. Raven tries to smile, projecting _chill_ and _unbothered_ with every fibre of her being; she doesn’t think it works. 

At least when she glances back at Bellamy, he looks as awkward as she feels. For a moment, she’s viciously satisfied that this isn’t easy for him, either, but it’s swallowed quickly by guilt. It’s not his fault he didn’t want her any more. 

The ride over is quiet. Or, well. Not quiet, since Octavia immediately plugs in her phone and blasts her second favourite screamo album at full volume, much to Bellamy’s consternation. But Raven can lean back and close her eyes and tune it all out, until they arrive and she has to go blinkingly back to the outside world. 

“Call me when you want a ride home,” Bellamy orders, sticking his head out of the open window. “Don’t stay out too late.”

Octavia salutes him mockingly; he rolls his eyes and drives away. 

*

The pool is nice. It’s huge and mostly empty, since everyone else seems to be here for the same thing as Octavia. Raven does a few laps, careful of her leg, then just floats on her back in the deep end, safe in her bubble. 

Then someone splashes her. She chokes, flailing back upright, ready to give this asshole a piece of her mind-

“Sorry,” Wells says, looking genuinely apologetic. He’s got goggles on, pushed up over his swim hat. Raven’s anger deflates. “Didn’t see you there.”

She musters a smile. “My fault for being in the way.”

“This really isn’t the kind of pool people do laps in,” he says, with a self-deprecating little laugh. “I should have been paying more attention.”

“I guess we’re both assholes,” Raven offers, and Wells smiles at her. It’s a nice moment; Raven’s waiting for him to ask what the fuck she’s doing here. 

“I can live with that,” he says, instead. “I was going to offer to buy you a drink to make it up to you, but maybe we could buy each other drinks?”

Raven freezes up. The smile slips off Wells’s face. 

“Or not,” he says quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable-”

“It’s fine,” Raven cuts in, because it fucking should be. A sweet, hot guy flirting with her? It should be fine. It should be better than fine, she _likes_ Wells, even if she doesn’t want this to go anywhere it should be flattering that he’s interested in her, that _someone’s_ interested in her, that someone could want her, even if Bellamy-

Fuck. She’s not going to fucking cry. She’s not-

Abruptly, Raven ducks under the water, squeezing her eyes shut tight. She surfaces just as quickly, swiping a hand over her face. 

“I have to go,” she says, then turns and hauls herself out of the pool. 

The table they claimed is empty when Raven reaches it. Raven wraps herself in a towel and lies on a lounger and tries not to think about anything at all. 

She wakes, sometime later, to a gentle hand on her shoulder and Octavia’s perfume wafting over her. 

“Hey,” Octavia says, brow furrowed. “You okay?”

Raven thinks about lying. Then she shakes her head. 

“Hug?” Octavia offers, and Raven tiredly nods. Octavia is warm and soft and smells nothing like her brother. There’s a girl Raven doesn’t recognise hovering a few feet behind her; she gives Raven a sympathetic smile when their eyes meet. 

“I think I’m gonna head out,” Raven says, and Octavia nods. 

“Just let me grab my stuff-”

“You don’t have to come with me,” Raven tells her, glancing meaningfully at the other girl. She blushes; Octavia just arches her eyebrows. “Really. Don’t let me ruin your fun.”

She gets to her feet, and Octavia gets up with her. “If you’re sure,” she says. “I’ll text Bellamy for you.”

“Um,” Raven says, “what.”

“How else were you planning on getting home,” Octavia points out, unfortunately reasonably. Raven’s bike doesn’t fit in the boot of Bellamy’s car; it’s still at their house. She can’t afford a taxi and her leg won’t forgive her if she tries to walk. That doesn’t mean Raven has to like it. 

*

Raven’s expecting to have to wait a while, but Bellamy must have left as soon as Octavia texted him. He stops the car just before the kerb she’s sitting on, leaning out of the open window to wave at her. 

It really is quiet in the car, this time. Raven sits up front, since sitting in the back would be even _worse_. Neither of them breaks the silence, and Raven doesn’t have any playlists saved that weren’t made by Bellamy, so music is out, too. 

Then Bellamy takes a wrong turn, and Raven frowns. 

“You get lost going to your own house?”

Bellamy flicks a glance at her in the rearview mirror. “Were you coming back to ours? I thought I was taking you home.”

Raven blinks at him. “I can cycle from your house.”

It’s Bellamy’s turn to frown. “Octavia said you weren’t feeling well.”

Raven’s jaw clenches. “I’m fine,” she says. Why does she have to keep telling people that? “Just wasn’t feeling it.”

Bellamy nods. “Fair enough,” he says, but he doesn’t turn around. 

“You don’t have to drive me home.”

He glances at her again. “O can ride your bike over later if you need it.”

“It’s not about-” Raven squeezes her eyes shut. “Let me rephrase: I don’t want you to drive me home.”

Bellamy’s quiet for long enough that Raven opens her eyes again, intending to glare him into listening to her. But he’s turned into a side street, turning back on himself, and he’s not looking at her, but he doesn’t look pissed at her, either. Raven looks away from him and stares resolutely out of the window the whole rest of the drive. 

“Thanks,” Raven says, when the car stops in front of Octavia and Bellamy’s house. She sounds as hollow as she feels. 

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy blurts. Raven’s eyes are torn back to him; he’s bitten through his lip and his knuckles are white on the steering wheel, and he looks- like he might cry, actually. Raven hates absolutely everything about this. 

“Me too,” she says, gravel crunching in her throat. 

Bellamy looks past her for a second, and then he brings all of his focus back to her, his eyes horribly wide and earnest. “Raven,” he starts, and, oh, god, she’s going to hate whatever it is he says next. “I miss you.”

Raven blinks. Blinks again. Then she says, as level as she can manage, “That’s a shitty thing to say.”

Bellamy’s face creases with confusion, and something else, something she’s pretty sure is hurt. _Good_ , Raven thinks viciously, and this time there’s no guilt to chase it. 

“You don’t get to miss me,” she grits out. “ _You_ broke up with _me_.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t-”

“Yes it does,” she says, incredulous. How is this even a conversation they’re having, _god_. “You can have all the mixed feelings about it you like, I don’t give a fuck. But deal with them on your time. It’s got nothing to do with me.”

“I wasn’t trying to-”

“Of course you weren’t! Of course you weren’t.” Raven’s breathing is ragged; she takes a second to inhale deeply, shuddering out the exhale. “What did you want me to say, Bellamy? That I miss you too? That it fucking sucks right now but don’t worry, it’ll get better, we can be friends again, one day?” She’s crying now, furious tears, but who the fuck fucking _cares_. “You don’t get to decide that things are okay again.”

“That wasn’t-” Bellamy stops himself. Raven doesn’t want to hear whatever it is he’s working out in his head, but she’s losing her grip on that anger, and all it leaves in its wake is a terrible, yawning grief. “It doesn’t matter, that that wasn’t what I meant. You’re right. It was a fucked up thing to say.”

Raven wells up all over again; she grinds the heels of her hands into her eyes and tries to stop her shoulders shaking. Then there’s a hand brushing her back, tentative, ready to move the fuck away if she doesn’t want it there. She leans into it. Both Bellamy’s arms come up around her, holding her tight enough to feel but not so tight she couldn’t get out of it if she tried, just the way she likes. She hates him for remembering. She hates herself more for not hating how it feels. 

Raven stops shaking, eventually. She shifts in Bellamy’s hold and he lets go of her immediately, leaning right back out of her space. Despite everything, she finds herself smiling. He smiles hesitantly back. 

“Thanks for the ride,” she says. “Sorry I yelled at you.”

“You barely raised your voice,” he points out, and she shrugs. 

“Sorry I lost my temper, then. I don’t actually want you to be miserable. It just…” Raven sighs. “It sucks.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy says, so soft it hurts. Raven blinks rapidly for a moment, then jerks a nod at him, then gets out of the car. 

“Get home safe,” he calls out after her, out of habit, probably. It still makes Raven smile, which makes something in her chest heave. Feeling all these feelings at once is _exhausting_. 

“I’ll text Octavia,” she says, giving him a sardonic wave. “Good night.”

“Good night, Raven,” Bellamy says, and, and something else, maybe, but Raven’s already walking away, back to her bike, and whatever it is gets lost to the evening air. 

**Author's Note:**

> (the girl with octavia that raven doesn't recognise is maya; years later, my octavia/maya agenda continues)


End file.
